Blank and Happy

Feeling wondrously crazy today totally whacked out! Guess this is called transformation or evolution, from a state of blood boiling cribbing to mindless, mind you absolutely mindless yapping, containing no element of sense, just a string of words, loose, carrying no onus of delivering profundity (not that I do that often anyway), words that flutter from one intellect- devoid topic to another equally useless one.
Today my state comes across as ultimate humour to my being, so I fall as nukes of laughter, bombed..crashed...shamelessly grinning.
"I want to write, wherever I find an avenue, I will write,” says a beloved friend and colleague. Sigh! Today I found this too funny, sounds glamorous- I want to earn my living by writing, whether it’s in the form of Myraid Roman or Nimrod, on those
complex Quarkexpress pages, with trillion odd combinations to suit your fancy or whether its writing for cheap newsprint, doesn’t matter one bit. News is cheap anyway, cost is what the content pays.
“I want to drift, I want, also, a frame to fit, I want a new job Anu,” says yours truly with a streak of maddish laughter.
When the days are normal, I whine instead, but today has been an amazing rest, no frown, no I-hate-my-job. In the subtler hue-I have gone insane, dare you say am mad.
Call it a day here, phew! Out of this funny looking office, off to hog my share of the day, meet my pals and spill the drops of craziness there, God help the poor souls now!
I wish for a lot of things before I step out of this air-conditioned zone, expecting almost a miracle of sorts to be bestowed upon me, for, in my dream last night, you whispered the words “ I have changed my mind, I will meet you before I go.” Woke up to the lazy dawn with a wholesome smile, oh! Did I hear you say that? My eyes no more go moist at the idea of being deprived of the last look; I laugh instead and understand that it’s all futile.
Days are passing by and my hope grows feeble with routine setting of dusk, that my desire is crushed. Helpless and I hate it.
But anyway, today I’ve smiled, created a monologue with a silent smile. I am happy today, happiness of the kind that is born out of complete awareness of ones state, of a rebel within but peace outside. I am happy, to say the least, sounds like an affirmation of sorts to one self. Am I convincing myself about something by just laughing it off?
Even if I am, who cares…or like I care, is more like it…
Blah to this routine, for now am this whimsy soul, no strings attached, tongue not in control, mind on a trip to some place that’s not my own.
...and before I resign for the day, I still harbour the hope that I will see you!