What the mind thinketh the hands writeth

I’ve been drifting along for quite sometime now. Every turn seemed/seems inviting and I thought/think that this is it; I can fence this bit and call it mine. Then somewhere along realized that there is a dream, lost perhaps or to be apt, it regressed with time. Randomly random-ing. I’ve nothing specific to write about, haven’t written in a while so filling the space.

Either my mind is a cluttered mess or it’s a plain blank sheet of white. I’m sort of tired of emotions now, overdose of it lately, borderline bored of it. And I’m without exaggeration fed up of the mad crowd of Bombay. People pushing, tossing, yelling, always in a hurry, no space and hyper pace of breathing, cacophony pervading every inch of open space. Sigh! I crave for some peace. Each time I travel in trains and buses or try walking the streets I feel the urge to scream ‘Oh shut up will you for a moment please, there is a dire need for handful of peace!’ But of course this just runs in my mind, there is one to listen to this whine.

Grown sick of this city, tired and busted, I need a sabbatical (though I’ve barely begun). Each morning I wake up with this thought: Empty the bank account, pack few clothes, and run away away away! To someplace, for something, maybe live life on ‘nothing.’

Sense of purpose, search for meaning, meaning of meaning, futility of existence, questioning the current act of languishing in the mire- all of this drifts me further down the pan. I close my eyes really tight and pray that that’s not true, I cannot afford to rundown so soon. Oh lord not so soon!

Ssh! I need peace of mind, piece of your mind will also do me good, I reckon, need the turbulence in my head to abate, calm my soul that’s been fluttering inside like a caged bird, ask myself to hush the relentless voice that says ‘ I want freedom.’

And out of nowhere- I ask- How difficult is it to stand up for someone, for yourself?

….Rest in peace, Amen!