Antithesis.

That was 2007 for me, with its stark dichotomy, no grey areas but all black and white.

The white half of the year seemed promising-professionally as well as personally. Road blocks were many, dejections far too many, anxiety over every imaginable thing, but the larger purpose was served. Those six months saw miracles raining like eels in Kafka on the shore- for one, I got a shift to Features writing with Mumbai Mirror online, miracle it was, as TOI is stingy with inter departmental transfers. This came with new set of responsibilities, new challenges et al. Personal set up got a face lift. Met new people, interesting people, a meeting long due took place, and my life took that sharp turn at the bend, I thought this was for good.

The gains of the first half were overwhelming, miracle-like, scary hence, tad dizzy roller coaster ride. Comes my birthday, marking the half year beeper and the downfall begins.

Slowly fragmenting, mentally and emotionally, each day worse than the previous one, endless questions, undeserving assail, absolute rape of dignity and respect, no sparing from brutal whips of reality. Wish I'd received the blows in small doses, but like the adage goes' when it rains, it pours.'

Degradation was playing evil and realization was doing its part. I lost all that I gained in the first half (I still have my job, thankfully but wanted a sabbatical desperately.) But, the vigour to work did not last long, days were long, I took longer to meet deadlines, pushed myself to start the day with enthusiasm but it was unyielding. I was drugged, busted and had hit the rock bottom. Yes, I lost many bonds. The longest and strongest bond of my 24-year-old existence called it a day, another bond quit the way, ruthless and bestial exit it was. Paid a price more than I could afford, and tried hard to save whatever bit was left after the juggernaut had passed. I never thought that it would be so hard, but well when is it ever easy.

With an overdose of lesson-learning, digging deep for regaining strength was the way to go as faith/hope seemed Martian. I turned cynical. A lot followed and part by part I shed my old self to undergo metamorphosis. 'Freedom is when there is nothing left to lose.' So here I'm free from bonds I valued the most.

Besides all the drama, the year saw me spending maniacally on books. Found a new world in Murakami, Camus, Kafka, Salinger, Tom Robbins, Erica Jong. Saw more theatre plays, avoided most Bollywood junk. Alanis Morissette is still my favourite, so heard more of her, Anthony Bourdain, Ian Wright gave me reasons to still watch television, hogged on art exhibitions-met awesome painters/sculptors/photographers (one of them was really kinky), at the coaxing of my salsa partner, attended the Roger Waters concert, to say the least it was amazing, thanks to D’jango, got introduced to the rock circuit of Bombay, they are some bands.

Disposed off unwanted emails and pictures and false promises, to make space for new ones. Promised myself that next time I will make conscious decisions and give impulse some rest (I still maintain, caprice rules me.) Friends became family and family became my strength.

This year, all was exaggerated, right from emotions to observations. Festivals never seemed so colourful until this year. Elements of Summer, Winter, Monsoon could be tasted and not just felt. Realized that I need to move on, maybe away, from this city and my comfort zone.

End of a nightmarish year, I'm glad am still alive and standing tall and a better person, as opposed to some I know. When you hit the rock bottom, there is only one way to go and that's Upwards.

2008 is here with its share of trials, and I'm ready to take life by horns. So here's wishing myself a Happy New Year…